


Lovers for Tonight

by mysid



Series: Lovers for Tonight [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, MWPP post-Hogwarts era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 11:35:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8576929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysid/pseuds/mysid
Summary: Sirius and Remus have become lovers, but they aren't "in love," are they? Two nights in their relationship.





	1. Attraction

**Author's Note:**

> This brief interlude in the lives of MWPP takes place after they have graduated, but before James marries Lily. It is a part of the same series as my story “Go Back to Being Friends” but is a prequel. If you haven’t read that yet, all you need to know is that Remus and Sirius are lovers (although in Sirius’s case, not exclusive ones), and although Sirius and James are flatmates, neither James nor Peter knows about Sirius and Remus yet.
> 
> Disclaimer: The characters and the world they inhabit all belong to J.K. Rowling. The title comes from the song “Say Goodbye” by Dave Matthews—“Lovers for a night, lovers for tonight…Tomorrow go back to being friends.”

“Where are you taking us this time?” James asked with an indulgent smile. He sat cross-legged on Sirius’s bed, watching his friend first brush his hair and then run his fingers through it, achieving the illusion of hair that was naturally perfect without any effort.

Sirius was not content to go to the same pub or club night after night. He was always searching out new nocturnal haunts. For him, variety was indeed the spice of life. His friends indulged these whims of his and went along, but while some locations had proven great fun—some had been downright frightening.

“Actually,” Sirius said as he checked his appearance in the mirror one last time, “Peter’s choice; he picked a pub near his house. He sent directions by owl so we can apparate or Floo.”

“Is Moony meeting us here or at the pub?”

“At the pub, I think. Ready to go?”

“Of course,” James said as he pulled on the Muggle jacket that Lily had helped him purchase. “I learned a long time ago that it was a waste of time to try to do anything with _my_ hair.” 

“Too true, _dear_ friend.” Sirius suddenly scowled and looked around the bedroom.

James guessed at the meaning of his friend’s expression. “You left Peter’s present in the living room.” 

Sirius immediately smiled. “He’s going to like this.” He hurried into the living room to get the gift, his leather jacket, and the directions to the pub Peter had chosen.

James snorted. “That’s what you said about my birthday present.”

“I’m sure that seeing Lily in red satin and lace more than made up for a brief moment of embarrassment when you opened the box,” Sirius countered. “You’re just too much of a prude to admit it.” Sirius thought he noticed a faint blush on his friend’s face, but he decided not to pursue the matter further—at least not until James had a few drinks in him, _and_ they had an audience.

“Just promise me something, Padfoot. If you got him something embarrassing, tell Peter to open it at home instead of the pub. You know he doesn’t like being embarrassed in public.”

Sirius shook his head as he handed James the note from Peter with the directions. “Don’t worry. It’s nothing like that. I’ll wait until Peter has a girlfriend before I buy him lingerie.”

* * * * *

The Thirsty Murtlap was Canterbury’s equivalent to the Leaky Cauldron. A few robed wizards stood at the brass-railed bar, and wizards, witches, and even two goblins sat at the small wooden tables. In this ancient room lit by candlelight and heated by a fireplace (and a discreet warming charm on the stone floor), James and Sirius, clad in Muggle clothing, seemed like visitors from the future. However, Sirius had made it a rule, _“Always wear Muggle clothes when pub crawling so we can go anywhere.”_

Only one other denizen of the pub was dressed in Muggle clothing. A young man with brown hair sat at the table nearest the fireplace. He had turned his chair to face the fire better, and sat now leaning back, his arms crossed on his chest, his eyes closed, and a contented smile on his face. James handed a gift-wrapped box to Sirius and then headed straight to the bar to buy the first round. Sirius headed straight for their waiting friend.

“Hello, Sirius,” Remus said quietly without opening his eyes. Sirius did not know if Remus recognized him by scent, or by the sound of his booted footfalls, or by a combination of the two. What he did know was that it gave him a small thrill whenever Remus did recognize him this way. It was a slight reminder of Remus’s not-quite human nature, of his “otherness.” Despite all outward appearances, Remus was not docile nor shy nor altogether tame. Sirius loved the fierce spirit hidden inside Remus. From the very first full moon that Padfoot had joined Moony’s pack, there had been no doubt which canine would be the alpha. The wolf was the embodiment of nobility and power. Compared to him, Padfoot was just an overgrown puppy. But what impressed Sirius most about Remus was not the power inherent in his wolf side, but in his human one. A remarkable degree of control and force of will was required to keep the wolf at bay, to maintain the illusion of docility.

“I’m jealous,” Sirius said with a pout as he took a seat beside his friend. He began to play with the empty teacup beside Remus’s elbow.

“Oh? Of whom?” Remus asked. His slight smile disappeared, but he kept his eyes closed as he basked in the warmth of the fire.

“Of the fire,” Sirius replied quietly. “I thought I was the only one who could make you smile like a contented cat.”

Remus smiled again as he opened his eyes. “You, chocolate, and a fire when I’m cold.” The combination Remus’s “cat that ate the canary” smile and his predatory stare told Sirius that Remus did not want to go home alone tonight. But James was now making his way back to the table carrying three pints. Any sexual banter would have to wait—or be carefully disguised.

“Cold? It’s only early October, Moony. Autumn’s just begun.”

Remus shrugged and turned his chair into the table to better face his friends. “Thanks, James,” he said as James carefully put the drinks on the table. “I spent all day up in the Orkneys clearing two kelpies and the ghosts of three drowned sailors out of a harbor. Believe me, between the wind off the North Sea and falling in the water twice—don’t laugh—I’m quite chilled to the core. This fire is heavenly.”

“Would you prefer something warmer to drink?” James asked.

“No,” Remus shook his head and took a sip. “This is fine. But I just might need an extra blanket or something to keep me warm when I go to bed tonight.” Remus kept his tone neutral and looked at James as he spoke, but under the table, Sirius felt Remus’s knee rub against his thigh. He had _not_ misread the look Remus had given him.

“So, what did you do with the ghosts after evicting them from the harbour?” James asked. “You didn’t leave them homeless, did you?”

“No. Fortunately, there’s a small old hotel in the same town that has been advertising itself as being haunted, even though it wasn’t. Apparently, some Muggles get a thrill out of visiting haunted places, so claiming to be haunted attracted tourists. I figured that if pretending to be haunted was good for business, then really being haunted would be even better. I convinced the ghosts to move in there. I’ll go back in a few months and make sure I haven’t created a problem for the hotel owner. Either way, they’re out of the harbour and the harbourmaster paid cash.” Neither Remus’s voice nor his expression betrayed the way Sirius’s hand was stroking and massaging his thigh.

“A toast to employers who actually pay!” Sirius proposed as he lifted his glass with his free hand. 

“I’ll drink to that,” Remus said with a wry smile. More than once, employers had allowed him to work for them only to “discover” that he was a werewolf just before payday. He would then be summarily fired—unpaid. 

The warm orange and yellow flames of the fireplace abruptly cooled to green, and a dark spinning shape appeared in their midst. Peter stepped out of the flames without a stumble and brushed ash off his blue-grey robes. He smiled as soon as he saw his friends.

“Sorry I’m late, guys, but you know what my mum and my aunts are like. They just wouldn’t let me leave.”

“No problem,” James said as he rose to go get another beer. “We just got here ourselves.”

“Besides, even if you kept us waiting for hours, we aren’t allowed to get angry with you on your birthday,” Sirius pointed out. 

“If you wanted your mum to let you leave, you should have told her that I might show up at her house looking for you,” Remus said with the same wry smile he had when discussing his past employers. It was common knowledge among them that Mrs. Pettigrew had been quite horrified to learn that one of her son’s friends was a werewolf. Her dislike of Remus was, in fact, the reason Peter’s friends met him here instead of attending the birthday dinner at Mrs. Pettigrew’s house. She had been willing to invite James and Sirius, but not Remus. Peter had agreed with James and Sirius’s decision to stay away if Remus were not welcome.

“Actually, I did,” Peter grinned, “just not in those exact words. I said that I was meeting the three of you, and that you all might come looking for me if I was late. She actually turned white and started pushing me toward the fireplace. Who knows what my brothers and aunts thought of _that_.” 

Under the table, Sirius sought out and found Remus’s hand. Remus might be willing to joke about people’s prejudices, but that didn’t mean they didn’t bother him. Sirius squeezed Remus’s hand as if to say, “ _Don’t let that stupid bigoted woman get to you._ ” Remus squeezed back.

“Here you go, Peter,” James said as put a pint down in front of him. “Happy birthday!”

“Presents now! Mine first!” Sirius exclaimed as he pulled a yellow-papered box out of a jacket pocket half its size. The paper resembled Swiss cheese, and a cartoon mouse appeared and disappeared as he moved from hole to hole.

“Cute paper,” Peter laughed as he began to tear it off the box.

“Lily gets the credit for the paper,” James said as he placed on the table an even larger box wrapped in the same. “She found the cheese design paper at a Muggle shop and moved the mice from a comic book to the wrapping paper with a charm. She said they were the closest she could find to rats.”

“Oh wow, Sirius!” Peter exclaimed as he opened the box. “These are brilliant!”

“What’d he give you, Peter?” Remus asked.

“A set of really amazing chessmen,” Peter said as he began pulling various small figures out of the box and setting them on the table. A tiny Dumbledore and a tiny McGonagall both wore gold crowns around the brims of their pointed hats. The bishops were Professor Flitwick and Professor Grianan, the knights were Professor Kettleburn and Hagrid mounted on hippogriffs, and the pawns were students in Hogwarts robes. Even the rooks were replicas of the Hogwarts Astronomy Tower and Gryffindor Tower.

Remus couldn’t help but smile at the highly appropriate nature of this gift. Peter was by far the best chess player of the four of them, and when one was a friend of Sirius and James, it wasn’t often that one could be the best at anything. With this gift, Sirius was encouraging Peter to enjoy his pre-eminence at chess.

“Thanks, Padfoot. Now you each have to promise me an opportunity to destroy you at chess.”

“Don’t get cocky, Wormtail,” Sirius said with a grin. “You may have the cream of the Hogwarts staff on your side, but you still have to beat me yourself.”

“Very good gift, Padfoot,” Remus said quietly as Peter began unwrapping the gift from James. Sirius gave Remus an enormous smile, as if he were as pleased with Remus’s approval as he was with Peter’s.

Peter laughed as he lifted a Muggle jacket out of the box. “Let me guess—you didn’t shop alone.”

“No,” James admitted. “Lily said that you and I both needed help in the ‘dressing like Muggles’ department. But I did charm it to repel rain and to make the pockets really roomy.”

“She helps you select a gift _and_ wraps your gift. Can’t you do anything without her, Prongs?” Remus asked in a teasing tone.

“Not a thing,” James answered proudly. “That’s why I’m marrying her.”

“If she were any girl other than Lily,” Sirius said, “I’d tease you unmercifully for being in such an incredible hurry to tie yourself down. But I guess when you meet the right girl, you can’t let her get away.” As he spoke, Sirius leaned back in his chair and casually rested his hand on the back of Remus’s chair. But at his final words, he felt Remus’s back tense, and Remus shifted forward in his seat, away from Sirius’s touch.

 _“Think before you speak, Padfoot,_ ” Sirius scolded himself. Although Sirius was convinced that “the right girl” was indeed out there for Remus, Remus did not agree. He resisted all of Sirius’s matchmaking efforts, saying that no one wanted to be with a werewolf.

“I’m afraid that mine isn’t wrapped,” Remus said as he put a small box on the table.

“You didn’t have to get me anything, Remus,” Peter said as he took off the new jacket he had been trying on. “When you did all those wards for my house this summer, I told you to consider them early birthday and Christmas presents.”

Remus shrugged. “It’s nothing big.” Peter opened the box and lifted out a bracelet, a rectangular opaque white stone on a knotted cord. “The stone absorbs some of the energy from spells powered by anger or hatred, so it gives you a little bit of protection from curses and hexes. It can protect you completely from minor curses or weaken a very powerful one, but the more magic it absorbs, the darker it becomes. When it’s black, it’s no longer useful.”

“I resent that implication,” Sirius said with a mock pout.

“Not useful, but quite attractive,” Remus amended. 

“That’s better,” Sirius said. Remus settled back in his chair again, and Sirius began to trail his fingers back and forth across Remus’s back just above the top of the chair.

“This is really nice of you, Remus,” Peter said as he began to slip it on.

“No, don’t wear it on your wand arm; it might interfere with casting some spells,” Remus explained. He raised his glass toward Peter in a toast. “I hope it stays completely white for you, Peter.” James and Sirius raised their glasses as well. 

“I second that motion,” James said just before they all took a sip. Sirius took a large gulp of his beer and set the glass back on the table with a solid thunk.

“Well, Wormtail, I must say the Thirsty Murtlap is an ideal place to meet and talk with dear friends,” Sirius said with a sly smile, “but now that the gift opening portion of the evening is over, I suggest we bring you home to change into Muggle attire and move onto somewhere a bit livelier.”

“I don’t know, Sirius. It’s a workday tomorrow. I really don’t want to face the day with a hangover.”

“So—drink lemonade. C’mon, music, dancing, pretty girls—you only turn nineteen once, Wormtail.”

“It’s all right, Peter,” Remus urged. “We’ll just go for a little while. I don’t want to stay out really late either.” Remus’s hand, which had discreetly moved into Sirius’s lap, suddenly proved to Sirius just how much Remus did _not_ want to stay out late.

“Are you O.K.?” James asked when Sirius suddenly choked on his beer.

“ _Fine_ —finish up, gents, and we’ll be off.”

* * * * *

Peter lived alone in a small but comfortable house in the wizard district of Canterbury. His portion of his father’s estate had allowed him to purchase the house shortly after graduating from Hogwarts. 

“I’ll just be a minute,” Peter said as he headed upstairs to change. 

“Maybe you should go help him pick out Muggle clothes, Prongs,” Sirius said smirking. “The blind leading the blind.” Sirius had grown up in a primarily Muggle area, and Remus had attended a Muggle primary school—the wizard schools wouldn’t accept a werewolf—so they both found it amusing how clueless their friends were when it came to all things Muggle.

“Ha ha. I’m going to use the bathroom.”

Sirius watched James leave the room, calculating how long he and Remus would be alone. He turned back expecting to see Remus still standing beside the sofa. Instead, he found that Remus had come up behind him silently and stood only inches away. Sirius took one startled step back and found himself pressed against the wall. Remus braced his palms against the wall, one on either side of Sirius. He leaned in close to Sirius’s neck, breathing in his scent. Sirius turned his head slightly to expose his throat more fully, and Remus kissed him where his throat fluttered with his pulse.

“Just tell me, Padfoot,” he whispered hoarsely, “before we get to this club of yours with all the pretty girls, who are you going home with tonight?”

“You.”

“You don’t have to,” Remus said just before he licked Sirius’s jaw. “I just want to know before we go.” He pulled back just enough to gaze at Sirius with the same predatory stare he had given him when Sirius had first arrived at the pub.

“Believe me, Moony, when you look at me like that, I’d be insane _not_ to go home with you.”

“Your place,” Remus said and walked away. James re-entered the room a few moments later.

* * * * *

The nightclub was, as Remus had expected, a full-blown assault on his keen senses. Deafening music made the very air throb, flashing lights in a spectrum of colours flashed and swooped through the smoke, and the scents of tobacco, pot, alcohol, perfume, sweat, and sex thickly scented the air. For a moment, it was all too much. He had to close his eyes and adjust to the sensory overload. _“At least it isn’t a weekend_ ,” he thought. _“This place would be even more crowded._ ” When he reopened his eyes, he saw that James and Peter had found a table not far from dance floor, and Sirius was already at the bar. Remus skirted the edge of the dance floor and made his way to Sirius’s elbow. Sirius was holding up four fingers and shouting an order to the bartender. _“He must be able to read lips,_ ” Remus thought, “ _there’s no way he can hear anyone._ ” He pulled some of his pay from his pocket and nudged Sirius in the ribs. “Let me buy this round!” He shouted near Sirius’s ear. 

“You sure?” Sirius shouted back, and Remus nodded. It was one of the many unspoken rules of their group. No one expected Remus to buy a round of drinks, as all too often, he simply couldn’t afford to. But when he could afford it, he would, and no one embarrassed him by making a big deal out of it either way. The bartender put four bottled beers on the bar and held up fingers to indicate the cost. Remus put the money plus a tip on the bar and grabbed two bottles in each hand, giving two to Sirius as they headed back to their friends. 

Either James or Peter had put a charm around their table that muffled the music to a more reasonable level. “My ears thank you,” Remus said as he slipped into a seat between them and handed a bottle to Peter.

“Your ears are welcome,” James replied. Sirius had handed James a bottle but remained standing, looking out at the dance floor, selecting someone worth his time. Apparently, someone was spotted, for Sirius took a large swig from the bottle, left it on the table and headed out into the crowd.

Remus avoided looking out at the dance floor. Every time he went out with Sirius like this, it became harder and harder to pretend that he didn’t care what Sirius did, or with whom he did it. But the temptation to watch Sirius dance was also quite strong. He lost himself completely in music and becoming the living embodiment of sex appeal. “ _Dancing with him must be the next best thing to having sex with him._ ” Remus knew he’d never get to enjoy the more public of those two activities, but he had been promised the private one. He risked looking out at the dance floor. 

He saw Sirius instantly, as if his gaze were magnetically drawn to him. But to his surprise, Sirius was not dancing, but returning to the table pulling two laughing women along with him. James ended the silencing charm with a gesture and the volume of the music increased dramatically. Sirius pointed at Peter and spoke in the ear of the blonde. She laughed and fell into Peter’s lap. 

“Happy birthday! Let’s dance!” she yelled. Peter grinned at Sirius and went with her. Remus suddenly found himself with a brunette in his lap. 

“Your friend says you’re a fantastic dancer and an even better lover,” she said loudly in his ear. “Can I find out?” Remus stared at Sirius. Sirius smirked at him as he sat in Peter’s vacated chair and took another swig of his beer.

“I want to see you dance,” Sirius shouted just before he licked an imaginary drop of beer from the mouth of the bottle. Remus felt himself being pulled to the dance floor by the woman—and pushed there by Sirius’s gaze. 

Remus wasn’t the dancer Sirius was. One had to lose oneself in the music, to lose control, and Remus’s entire life was one long exercise in maintaining control. There were only two times that Remus truly allowed the illusion of control to slip away, during the full moon, and when he made love with Sirius. When his friends had become animagi and begun sharing his full moon nights with him, they had given him the gift of allowing him to enjoy his nights as a wolf. They controlled his wolf nature when he could not. When Sirius had become his lover, he had given Remus the gift of allowing him to enjoy abandoning control while human. Sirius didn’t mind that he was fierce, that he was wild, that he was dangerous, and somehow, Remus knew that he would never truly harm Sirius. It was safe to let go when he was with Sirius.

Remus could move to the music, but as he watched his pretty dance partner, he couldn’t truly let go. He closed his eyes and imagined that he was dancing with Sirius instead. He breathed in the thick air of the club, trying to detect that scent that was uniquely his Sirius. He felt her hand briefly stroke his leg and imagined that Sirius’s hand would touch him at any moment. She moved close to him, and her hair brushed his cheek. He imagined Sirius’s hair brushing him as they moved together. He opened his eyes slowly and looked toward Sirius. Sirius was leaning back in his chair, his lips parted slightly as they did when he panted during sex, and watching Remus’s every move. James leaned in closer to Sirius and spoke, but Sirius answered without taking his eyes off Remus. Remus smiled and closed his eyes again.

* * * * *

The night air was refreshingly cool and clear as they stepped out of the club. Sirius deliberately quickened his step to walk beside James instead of Remus. If he walked any closer to Remus, he would have even more difficulty resisting the urge to push him up against the nearest wall and devour him with a deep kiss. He could feel Remus’s eyes upon him and suspected that Remus felt the same.

“Just to be on the safe side,” he called over his shoulder to Remus and Peter, “I don’t think either of you should apparate tonight. You’ve both had enough to drink that splinching yourselves is within the realm of possibility.”

James looked at him curiously. Tonight had actually been rather tame, and splinching seemed a very remote possibility.

“We aren’t far from the Leaky Cauldron,” Remus said. “Peter can Floo back to the Thirsty Murtlap from there. It’s an easy walk home from the Murtlap, isn’t it, Peter?”

“Uh-huh. I guess that would be the safe way to go.” Peter suddenly shuddered as if imagining a splinching accident. Peter had a fireplace in his house, of course, but one of Remus’s protective wards kept it blocked from the Floo Network. “What about you, Remus? Do you have somewhere you can Floo to?”

“Not really.”

“You can walk home with us,” Sirius said casually, trying to disguise that this had been the intent of the entire conversation. “My bed is huge and unlike James, I don’t kick and punch in my sleep.”

“I do not!”

“Remember when Peeves poured those buckets of water on my bed in the middle of the night second year? I changed into dry clothes and got into your bed. I was black and blue the next morning.”

“I only punched you _once_ , and it was because you stole the blankets.”

Sirius turned and walked backward. “Your choice, Moony. The nocturnal boxer or the blanket thief?”

Remus cocked his head and considered for a moment. “Who knows what I’d do if I’m kicked or punched in the middle the night, and I’d really hate to apologize to Lily for permanently maiming her fiancé—so, I guess I’ll bunk with you, Pads.”

“Great!” 

“But if you steal the blankets, I might put you in a full Body-Bind.”

* * * * *

Escorting Peter to the Leaky Cauldron required only a four-block detour out of the way to James and Sirius’s flat. Sirius and Remus kept James between them the entire walk home. As he waited for James to release the wards protecting the door of their flat, Sirius couldn’t resist sliding his hand onto Remus’s arse and giving a quick squeeze. Remus gave him a _look_ out of the corner of his eye, and Sirius pulled his hand away as Remus followed James into the flat. He wondered how quickly they could disappear into his bedroom without raising James’s suspicions. Fortunately, a barn owl was pacing impatiently on the windowsill, waiting to be let in. 

“Uther!” James said happily as he hurried to admit Lily’s owl. 

“G’night, Prongs!”

“Good night, James!”

James gave them both a vague wave, “Night,” as he unrolled and began to read her letter.

“Alone at last,” Sirius said with a smile as leaned back against the bedroom door.

“Not quite,” Remus said as he pulled out his wand. He began to set a familiar silencing charm on each of the bedroom walls.

“Don’t forget the floor,” Sirius said as he pressed himself against Remus’s back and ran his hands down Remus’s torso, “or we might shock the downstairs neighbour. You are _so_ loud.”

“And you’re not?”

“You’re a bad influence on me,” Sirius said as he pulled Remus’s shirt free of his jeans. “I’m not half as loud with anyone else.” 

Sirius continued to stand behind Remus as he unbuttoned two buttons of Remus’s shirt and then pulled it up and over his head—he rarely bothered with all the buttons in his impatience to see and touch skin. Remus toed off his own shoes and reached down to pull off his socks, but otherwise allowed Sirius to continue undressing him. He would allow Sirius to undress him, and Sirius would allow Remus to do the same to him. They were coming together as equals; neither needed nor wanted to dominate or control the other.

Remus enjoyed sex most when it was like this. As the moon waxed and his wolf instincts became stronger, the need to dominate became paramount. Sirius didn’t seem to mind when Remus became more aggressive and sexually demanding—he actually seemed to find it exciting—but Remus preferred this. He felt more human, more normal.

He crouched down, pulling Sirius’s tight black jeans to the floor, and paused on the way back up to breathe in Sirius’s scent. He brushed his nose against the black curls and lost himself for a few moments in the unique scent of Sirius’s body, the scent that said to his body, “Sex.” He couldn’t resist a slight smile at his own behaviour—“ _No, not human,_ ” but with Sirius he felt normal anyway. No matter what he did—smelling Sirius’s scent, biting his neck and shoulders, expressing himself with sounds that might not be quite human—he didn’t need to be self-conscious with Sirius.

Sirius’s fingers entwined in his hair, and Remus knew that Sirius was watching him. The first few times that he had done this—that he had needed to smell Sirius’s scent—he had disguised his true intent with licks and kisses. He had preferred that Sirius believe that he was orally fixated rather than admit that he wanted to sniff him like an animal would. Sirius had seen right through him of course. He hadn’t said a thing, but the next time that they made love Sirius had smelled Remus. He had started with his hair near his ear, travelled down his neck and torso, and lingered finally at Remus’s crotch, breathing in deeply. No pretence of licks or kisses or nibbles. He merely breathed in Remus’s scent, looked up at Remus with a happy smile, and said, “You smell wonderful, Moony. Warm and real and—like sex.”

Remus rose back up slowly, licking the entire length of Sirius’s erection as he rose. A low moan escaped Sirius’s throat. Remus smiled as he looked into Sirius’s pale, blue eyes, lids already heavy with desire. He nudged Sirius back toward the bed and then crouched down again. The sound of that moan tempted him to try for more.

* * * * *

James looked up at the sound of a soft knock on his open bedroom door. Remus stood in the doorway wearing one of Sirius’s sweaters, navy blue and slightly too large, and boxer shorts.

“Could I borrow a pair of jeans or trousers, James? Sirius’s are too long, and even after a cleaning charm, mine reek of smoke.”

“Sure,” James returned to buttoning his robe. “Jeans are in the bottom drawer and trousers are in the closet. Take whichever.”

“Thanks,” Remus said as he opened the bottom drawer of the dresser.

“So, how was last night?” James asked.

Remus stumbled as he tried to pull the jeans on. “Pardon?”

“Last night—did Sirius steal the blankets?”

“Oh—a few times, but I just pulled them back.”

James sat down on the bed to pull on his socks and boots. “There’s a pot of coffee in the kitchen—tea’s in the cupboard if you prefer. Help yourself to whatever you want for breakfast. I know we have eggs and sausages.”

“Thanks,” Remus said as he left the room.

James had contented himself with some toast this morning and left the protein-rich foods for Remus. It was the tail end of the week of the new moon, so Remus should be just starting to crave those foods as the moon waxed. However, they weren’t at school anymore; Remus couldn’t borrow James’s cloak and visit the kitchens whenever he got hungry. “ _Who knows if he’s getting enough to eat these days. Sirius and I really should have met him for dinner last night before going to the pub._ ” James knocked on Sirius’s bedroom door as he passed.

“I’m awake,” Sirius called out.

James leaned against the kitchen doorframe and took an appreciative sniff—greasy, spicy—sausage. “Smells good.”

“Do you want some?” Remus asked over his shoulder as he stirred the scrambled eggs.

“No thanks. I already ate.” James was pleased to see that Remus had taken him up on his offhanded offer to eat a filling breakfast. 

Remus pulled something out of the front pocket of his jeans and tossed it to James with the word, “Catch.” James snatched it out of the air—a bracelet identical to the one given to Peter. “It will probably take a half a second for it to go black if you wear it on the job, Mr. Auror, but it might come in handy the next time you annoy a certain redhead.”

James had to laugh at that. “Wouldn’t it drive her nuts if she tried to hex me and it didn’t work?”

“Why wouldn’t it work?” Sirius asked as he came up behind James. James held up the bracelet in answer as he backed out of the doorway to allow Sirius into the kitchen.

“Oh good,” Sirius said as showed James one on his own wrist, “let’s annoy Lily together, and really have fun with them.” He put his arm around Remus’s shoulders. “Thank you, by the way, Moony. It took me forever this morning to notice that you put this on me last night.”

“This morning just before you woke up,” Remus said. He extinguished the flame under the pan and opened the cupboard with plates. “I had to wait until I was sure I didn’t need to cast a Body-Bind curse on you. Do you want some of this, Padfoot?”

“No, eat up. I’ll make something for myself.”

“Speaking of annoying Lily,” James said as he watched Remus dish up his food while simultaneously evading Sirius trying to make his own breakfast in the small kitchen, “remember that note I got from her last night?”

“You mean the one that made you forget we existed?” Sirius teased.

“Huh? Oh—sorry about that.”

Sirius began whisking the last two eggs while continuing to tease James. “Poor Moony was _so_ looking forward to spending time with the two of us, but you got an owl from Red and—”

“Ignore him, James,” Remus interrupted. “I just wanted to go to bed.” Sirius chuckled and busied himself with cooking. “What did Lily write?”

James looked at Sirius while answering. “She said that she’ll be a bit late getting done work tomorrow night, so she’s pushing dinner back to eight o’clock. She also said that she’d let Astrid know, so you don’t need to, Padfoot.”

“Astrid Karlson? —from Ravenclaw?” Remus asked lightly. He put the dirty dishes and pans in the sink and then began to wash them without magic.

“Uh-huh. The four of us are going out on a double date tomorrow night. Do you want to come Remus? I’m sure Lily has a dozen friends who would jump at the chance to go out with you.”

“No thanks. You know how I feel about being fixed-up.” He glanced over at Sirius. “Finish your breakfast, Sirius, and go get ready for work. I’ll wash up everything.” Sirius piled what was left of his eggs between two pieces of toast to eat on the way back to his bedroom and left without a word. 

Sirius wondered why he felt guilty. “ _Moony knows I see other people; he knows that I want him to see other people. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with my going out with Astrid or anyone else._ ” By the time he reached his bedroom, guilt had shaded into anger. “ _Just because Mr. ‘I Don’t Want to Date Anyone’ won’t see anyone else doesn’t mean that I can’t._ ” He yanked his boots on a bit more forcefully than was actually required and stalked to the mirror to fix his hair. The scowling face staring back at him shocked him enough that he decided to delay going back into the kitchen and being at risk of saying something stupid. He saw that the edge of his sleeve was caught on the cord of his new bracelet and he couldn’t resist looking at the stone to make sure he hadn’t darkened it with his brief, if private, fit of temper.

“ _Moony doesn’t deserve my acting like this. He didn’t say anything about Astrid. He’s fine with it. And he isn’t boycotting dating just to make me feel like a heel; he’s just afraid to tell anyone that he’s a werewolf. Someday he’ll meet the right person and tell her—or him. The only reason I feel like dirt is the timing of it all. We spent last night together, we even had sex this morning, for God’s sake, and then James brings up Astrid right in front of Moony less than an hour later. It was bad timing that’s all._ ”

James had decided that since the dishes were being washed by hand, they should be dried that way as well. He grabbed a dishtowel and set to work. He glanced at the calendar, confirming what he already knew—the full moon was Sunday the sixteenth. “Why don’t you spend next weekend with Sirius and I, Moony? We can stuff ourselves full of take away and rest up before the moon on Sunday.”

“No thank you.” 

“C’mon, it’ll be fun.”

“You can’t take an entire weekend off for the full moon; don’t pretend you could. Besides, you guys should spend time your free time with Lily and—Astrid. I’ll see you on the sixteenth.”

“The sixteenth?” Sirius asked as he drew near the kitchen again, now fully dressed and with guilty feelings tucked away. “Where do you want to meet?”

“I think I found a good place to spend the night yesterday,” Remus replied. He pulled the plug on the sink and dried his hands with James’s towel. “I’ll go back and check it out more fully and send you directions so we can meet there.”

“No,” James said shaking his head. “We already asked for noon Sunday through noon Monday off from work, which means we _might_ be done by mid-afternoon Sunday. Meet us here and we’ll go have an early dinner before moonrise. We can go to Malone’s.” Malone’s was not the sort of restaurant you brought a date to—its chipped wood veneer tables and faded vinyl seats would not impress— but its thick steaks were the stuff of legend. James hoped it would prove enough of a temptation to overcome Remus’s pride in his self-reliance. “ _Then_ we can go to the new place you found.”

Sirius laughed. “Prongs’s ulterior motive reveals itself. He wants to stuff you and me full of steak so we won’t get a craving for venison.”

“Probably not a bad idea,” Remus said with slight smile. “Padfoot was looking a bit hungry last month.”

James glanced at his watch. “We’ve really got to leave, Padfoot. Moody told me to be in by ten, and he’ll flay me alive if I keep him waiting a minute longer. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want, Remus.”

Remus nodded. “Just for a little while. I’m not overly fond of my current residence.” He followed his friends into the living room and watched them grab their cloaks. When Sirius looked back at him, he forced himself to smile. “Malone’s on the sixteenth.”

“Don’t wait that long before you visit again, Remus. We’re pretty busy most nights—stupid, bloody Death Eaters can’t be civilized and wreak havoc in the daylight—but anytime you’ve got nothing to do, day or night, just drop by. Maybe you’ll get lucky and either James or I will be home.”

“We’ll see,” Remus murmured as he looked down at the carpet. “ _Yeah, sure, drop by while Sirius has a date here. That would be so much fun._ ”

“If we don’t see you before the sixteenth,” James said, “come here at noon and let yourself in. We’ll get home as soon as we can. Bye, Moony.”

“Bye, James.” 

James stepped into the hallway and Remus heard a faint “pop” as he disapparated. Sirius lingered with one hand on the open door. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but closed it again in a tight line. He did not know what to say, and Remus found that idea highly amusing. He smiled broadly at his friend.

“Have a good time tomorrow night. And—uh—that invitation to just drop by, I’m _not_ going to take you up on it.”

“But Re—”

“However, feel free to drop by my place.” Sirius grinned and darted forward to give Remus a quick kiss goodbye. “Stay safe, Padfoot,” Remus said into the silence when he was alone. 

 

_\--written April 2003_


	2. Dancing

“James! Stop that!” Lily whispered fiercely between giggles. “Can’t you wait until we’re alone?” 

“We are alone—virtually,” came the muffled reply. “They’re in Sirius’s room.”

Remus grinned broadly as he leaned back beside the open bedroom door and listened to the interchange in the living room of Sirius and James’s flat. He had fled from the bed to the wall several minutes earlier to avoid being groped by Sirius in much the same fashion that James was apparently groping Lily.

“Behave yourself, Prongs! I can hear you,” he called out the door. Sirius turned away from the mirror with his eyebrows raised in an unspoken question. “But don’t worry, the world’s vainest dog just finished his toilette so we should be ready to leave you alone now.”

“What was he doing?” Sirius asked as he crossed the room to the door. Remus shrugged. Sirius raised his voice as he put an arm around Remus’s shoulders and led him out of the room. “We’re coming out, so if you undressed her, Prongs, don’t blame us for ogling your fiancée.”

Lily was blushing just slightly as she smoothed her hair with one hand and straightened her blouse with the other. James lay with his head in her lap and an amused smile on his face. Lily looked up at Sirius and Remus and whistled appreciatively.

“Oh God, what’s he wearing now?” James asked. He lifted his head to look in their direction, but as his glasses were on the coffee table, they were only two blurs who vaguely resembled his friends.

“His ‘too tight to be legal’ leather trousers,” she answered. “Hey Remus, I’ve always wondered how he gets those on. Care to enlighten us?”

The hand that was around Remus’s shoulder suddenly covered his mouth. “Trade secret, Moony. Don’t tell.” Remus’s tongue darted out to lick the warm palm. Sirius grinned and let his hand fall away, but kept his arm draped around Remus’s neck. “Don’t you think Remus should let me get him a pair, Lily?”

She nodded. “But not black.”

“No,” Sirius agreed. “Brown.”

“You really should, Remus. You definitely have the cute arse to pull it off.”

“EXCUSE ME?” James interrupted. “Fiancé in the room, remember?”

“Well he _does_ have a cute arse. Lots of girls at school thought so. Of course it was hard to tell in school robes, but—” Lily giggled at the look of devastation on James’s face. “Yes, James, your arse is cute too—which is why you _aren’t_ allowed to get tight leather trousers.”

James nuzzled closer to her stomach as she ran her fingers through his hair. “I love it when she gets possessive.”

“On that note,” Remus said as he ducked out of Sirius’s grasp and headed for the door, “I think it’s time to get my ‘cute arse’ out of here.”

Sirius laughed as he followed. “Lily, I think you just created a monster.” 

Remus grinned as he tossed Sirius his jacket and then put on his own. For a half a second, he had considered pretending to be hurt by Sirius’s inadvertent reference to his “monster” status—just for the look on Sirius’s face when he realized that Remus was joking—but he decided against it. It was the week of the new moon, he felt good, he was spending the evening with Sirius, and if he were very lucky, he would spend the night with him too. He didn’t want to spoil anything by making Sirius self-conscious.

“Good night, Lily. Good night, Prongs. Don’t do anything Sirius wouldn’t do,” Remus said as he headed into the hallway.

“Good night,” they said together.

“Don’t wait up for me, Spikehead—oh, and Lils?” Sirius pulled out his wand and grinned wickedly. “I tighten the trousers after they’re on.” He took a step into the hallway, aimed his wand in the direction that Remus had taken, and flicked his wrist with the words, “Contracto vestis.”

“PADFOOT! What did you do?” Remus shouted in surprise. 

“Contracto vestis,” Sirius said with another flick of the wrist. He grinned at Lily. “T-shirt too. He isn’t hiding in baggy clothes tonight. G’night.” He pulled the door shut and set off down the hall to soothe the temper of his annoyed friend.

Remus pulled out his own wand and pointed it at his shirt. “You are such a prat, Padfoot.” 

“Leave it, Moony,” Sirius said as he slung his arm around Remus’s shoulders again and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’re a sexy beast, and tonight you’re going to show it off.”

Remus paused for a moment and considered. He really, really wanted to go home with Sirius tonight, and if wearing skintight clothing helped keep Sirius’s eyes on him all evening, he was willing to give it a try—at least once.

“All right,” Remus agreed as he put his wand back in his jacket pocket, and they headed for the stairs, “but I have a feeling that these jeans may be _uncomfortably_ tight before the evening is over.”

Sirius laughed and pushed Remus against the wall. “Let’s test them, shall we?” He slid his hands over Remus’s ass and the backs of his thighs, pulling their bodies tightly together. Remus pulled Sirius’s head forward and kissed him deeply, probing deeply with his tongue, claiming the wet heat of Sirius’s mouth as his territory. Although moving in different directions, the slight grinding friction of Sirius’s pelvis and the stroking of his hands melded together in a mind-numbing rhythm. Remus had been at least mildly aroused all evening—watching Sirius strip off his robe and change into a tight silvery-grey t-shirt and even tighter black leather trousers had that effect—but now he was far beyond mild arousal. Only his fear of James and Lily walking down the stairs kept him from begging Sirius to top him off right there. 

Suddenly the warm mouth and the glorious stroking were gone. Sirius had stepped back and now stood smiling and stroking his own lower lip with the pad of his thumb.

“Well, are they too tight?” Sirius asked with a wicked grin.

“What?” It took Remus a moment to realize what Sirius was asking, and a moment longer to realize that although his jeans should have felt quite confining, they still felt comfortably snug—just as they did before Sirius’s naughty experiment.

“It’s the spell,” Sirius said as he resumed heading outside. “It makes clothing fit like a second skin. They’ll stay self-adjusting until you take them off or end the spell. It was designed for gloves, but I—”

Remus growled in frustration and followed. “Sirius! Didn’t anyone ever teach you that it’s not nice to tease?”

“Just think of it as ‘building anticipation,’ Moony.”

 _“It’s ‘building anticipation’ if you come home with me; it was teasing if you go home with someone else,”_ Remus thought. He chose to refrain from expressing that thought aloud. 

Sirius and he danced an intricate dance. Sirius allowed himself only so many steps forward before stepping back again. Too many nights in a row with Remus, and he flew into the arms of the first woman he could find. If they went to a club together, it was rare for Sirius to offer assurances that they would go home together. Plans that included just the two of them were rarely made more than a day or two in advance. Any hint of “couple” status was avoided at all costs. Remus suspected that this was a primary factor in Sirius’s reluctance to tell James about the two of them. James tolerated Sirius’s playboy ways with an endless parade of women, but would he tolerate it if he knew that Remus was involved? One of the many things that James and Sirius had in common, they were both protective of Remus.

“Where are we going tonight?” Remus asked as he fell into step beside Sirius. _“And could I possibly talk you into going straight to my flat?”_

“Somewhere where we can go dancing—and you _are_ going to dance, by the way.” Sirius smiled and leaned in closer to Remus’s ear although no one else was around. “When you were dancing last month—Peter’s birthday—damn, Moony. I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. Maybe we should go back to the same club. You seemed to like that girl you were dancing with. What did she do to loosen you up like that?”

Remus couldn’t stop the happy smile that accompanied the memory of that night. _“It had nothing to do with her, Sirius.”_ As they passed under a streetlight, Sirius took a quick look at Remus’s face.

“You did like her! Why didn’t you ask her out or something, you twit? Don’t tell me you passed up on her because I wanted to go home with you. You know I don’t want to get in the way if you meet someone.”

Remus shook his head. “No, I wasn’t interested in her.”

“You had to be _somewhat_ interested; I saw how you were dancing with her.”

“Yeah, well—” Remus didn’t know if he should admit the truth. _“Will Sirius be flattered if he knows I imagined dancing with him, or will he interpret it as ‘getting too close’ and run like a scared rabbit?”_ “Do you promise not to get angry?” 

“Of course.”

“Did you notice that I kept my eyes closed most of the time? I was imagining that I was dancing with you.” Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, and Remus’s steps faltered to a stop. He didn’t dare turn around as he awaited Sirius’s reaction to that little confession. The familiar weight of Sirius’s hand was suddenly on his shoulder, turning him around. Sirius didn’t appear angry; nor did he seem flattered. He was biting his lower lip and looking at Remus as if very curious.

“Do you want to, Moony? Dance with me?”

Remus nodded hesitantly. He still wasn’t sure how Sirius felt about the idea. Sirius considered a moment longer, his eyes searching Remus’s face.

“C’mon.” Sirius jerked his head back over his shoulder and began walking back the way they had come. 

Remus barely had time to begin berating himself silently— _“I shouldn’t have said anything. He’s upset. We’re going back to his flat. He doesn’t want to go out with me tonight.”_ —when Sirius passed a street that led back to his flat. “Where are we going, Sirius?”

“Well,” Sirius laughed nervously, “the thing is, a lot of the places I usually go, I think we’d kind of get stared at if we danced together—not to mention that I’d probably never be able to get a date there again—so I thought—” Sirius fell uncharacteristically silent and turned a corner. Half a block ahead, loud music was pouring out of the doorway of a club. The music, the neon signs—all were much like any other club Sirius frequented—but the amorous couple coming out of the door was the giveaway. Two men kissed while walking with their arms around each other’s waists.

Sirius stopped a few yards away from the door and turned to look at Remus with that same curiously searching expression. “If you don’t want to go in, we won’t, but I thought we could go dancing here.” 

Remus was amazed that Sirius was considering taking him into a gay bar. Other than Remus, Sirius only dated women. He tried to stay as far on the heterosexual side of bisexual as he could. This was, of course, yet another reason that Sirius was reluctant to tell their friends about his relationship with Remus. 

“Please, Remus, I really want to dance with you.”

Remus smiled. He would go anywhere for an opportunity to dance with Sirius, and he foresaw an additional advantage to going here. _“Sirius definitely won’t meet any women here. My chances of going home with him just increased astronomically.”_ “All right, Padfoot, if you want to.”

Other than Sirius’s hand briefly being on his shoulder, they had not touched since setting foot on the street. The pretence of being straight had to be maintained, but such pretences were rather foolish here. Sirius smiled back at Remus and reached out for his hand. 

Remus allowed Sirius to take the lead as they entered. Not only was Sirius more at home in clubs than he was, but Sirius’s human senses wouldn’t be as strongly affected by the noise and the scents. Remus paused just inside the doorway to adjust. The dance music was not so loud that conversation was impossible, but loud enough that raised voices were required. Coloured lights flashed on the dance floor, but the surrounding booths and tables were shadowy. The smoke was starting to get thick and would probably get much worse as the evening progressed. The scents of musky colognes were thick in the air and created an interesting mix with the scents of semen and sweat. Remus thought it best not to look too closely into the shadowy corners of the club.

“O.K.?” Sirius asked. Remus wasn’t sure if Sirius was asking if he still wanted to go in, or if he was asking if Remus had adjusted the sensory assault. Either way, the answer was the same; Remus nodded. Sirius led the way to the bar, releasing Remus’s hand to hold up two fingers to the bartender as he ordered bottled beers. Sirius had only been inside the club for a minute, but was already attracting the attention of most of the men near them. He handed a beer to Remus and slipped his free arm around Remus’s waist. At the sight of the possessive gesture, most of the men watching Sirius looked away, no longer interested. Remus felt a bit relieved. After all, increasing the number of Sirius’s potential suitors was not his intention tonight.

“I want to ditch our jackets before we hit the dance floor, Moony. Do you see any tables that are free?”

Remus glanced into the shadowy corners he had avoided looking into before. Every table and booth seemed occupied: men talking, flirting, kissing. Only in one booth, dark enough to afford privacy from most prying eyes, did he see an act intimate enough to make him feel like a voyeur. Compared to some of the clubs to which Sirius had previously taken him, this was quite tame.

“Over there,” Remus said as he nodded in the direction of a couple at a small table. “One guy has his jacket in his hand; I bet they’ll leave soon.” Remus led the way closer. The second man at the table grabbed his jacket and stood to leave just as Remus drew near—a perfectly timed change of occupancy.

“A masterfully executed invasion, Mr. Moony,” Sirius said as he sat at the table. Remus watched appreciatively as Sirius twisted in his chair to hang his leather jacket on the back. He enjoyed the way that Sirius’s tight silvery t-shirt slid over his muscles and revealed a sliver of skin just above his trousers. “Perhaps I should go out with you more often.”

“Perhaps you should, Mr. Padfoot.”

Sirius discretely slipped his wand from his jacket pocket and cast two spells. The first muffled the music just enough to make conversation easier, but not enough that a Muggle would be likely to notice if he drew near. The other charm temporarily attached their jackets to the chairs. This, combined with the anti-pickpocketing charms already on their jackets ensured that they could safely leave their wands behind in their jacket pockets. Then he sat back and took a swig of his beer as he looked around the room.

“This is weird,” Sirius said as he gazed at the dance floor. “I brought you in here because I want to dance with you—and I still do, believe me,” he assured Remus hurriedly, “but now that we’re in here, I guess I’m nervous about it for some reason.”

“Nervous to be in here, or to dance with me?” 

“I don’t know—both?”

Remus had to laugh. “The ever-confident Sirius Black?”

“I thought you knew me better than that, Moony.”

Remus nodded. Sirius had every reason to be supremely self-confident. He was highly intelligent, powerfully magical, witty, charming, and incredibly good looking. Combine these with Sirius’s Gryffindor bravado, and it became easy to imagine that Sirius never faced any demons of self-doubt. _“But he’s only human, after all,”_ Remus thought with a slight smile, _“which is more than he can say of me.”_

“Well, Pads, you came in here to be with me. Therefore, everyone else in here is irrelevant—not worth your being nervous.”

Sirius grinned. “Which leaves me with the more important worry. What if I don’t measure up to your imaginary dance partner of last month?”

“Considering that I’ve watched you dancing hundreds of times, and I know first-hand how well we move together in other ways, I really don’t think you have anything to fear. However, if you need _inspiration_ ,” Remus held his beer bottle between his palms and began stroking its neck with his thumbs, “I could pay you back for your little ‘experiment’ in the stairwell, but—”

“But?”

“I don’t think I want to give everyone a show.”

“How else could you _inspire_ me?” Sirius asked just before he took a sip of beer and allowed the mouth of the bottle to linger on his lower lip. His slight smile showed that he was enjoying this little game.

“Perhaps I could tell you how much I wanted to feel your mouth on me when we were in the stairwell, but—”

“But?”

“You were always so much better with words than I.”

“I disagree, and I think th—” Sirius broke off abruptly as a man came up behind Remus and placed a hand on his shoulder. He was well-built, good-looking, and had hair a shade of blond that may have been his natural colour when he was a child. 

“Do you want to dance?” the man asked when Remus looked up at him. Sirius put his bottle down forcefully enough that some of the beer splashed out. Remus immediately looked back at him.

“Actually, he was just about to dance with me,” Sirius said to the blond intruder.

Remus smiled and looked up again. “Thanks anyway.”

Even as Sirius took Remus’s hand and went with him to the dance floor, he kept one eye on the blond as he walked to another table and asked someone else to dance. Sirius wasn’t sure what bothered him most: the man’s bleached-blond hair, the fact that he had approached someone who was obviously there with someone else, or, worst of all, his own reaction. _“I’m acting possessive again, and I have no right to act that one way. Remus doesn’t belong to me. But I just want to protect him, that’s all. He’s had enough shit to deal with in his life. Remus deserves someone better than an immature, impulsive sod like me, and I’ll be happy for him when he finds someone—but Goldilocks isn’t it.”_

Remus chuckled. “Stop scowling; you’ll get wrinkles. You know, that’s the first time I’ve gone out with you and got hit on before you?”

“I find that hard to believe.” And he did. Sirius harboured no false modesty. He knew that a favourable combination of genes had gifted him with good looks and that he attracted more than his share of attention due to that fact. However, he had noticed that much of the attention they had gotten since entering the club had been directed at Remus, and this was not the first time. Remus seemed oblivious to his own good looks: the infinite shades of brown in his hair that made it so fascinating in the light, the warm brown eyes with gold flecks suggestive of the gold eyes of his wolf form, the beautiful smile which had once been a rare sight, and was all the more precious to Sirius for that knowledge, and the lean, wiry body, all muscle and sinew, which just hinted at the true strength he possessed. Remus might be oblivious, but others were not. And tonight, the skintight jeans and t-shirt were drawing many eyes to him. 

_“This might have been the wrong night to charm his clothing,”_ Sirius thought, _“but then again, I wouldn’t be able to see this.”_ Remus had begun to lose himself in the music. Sirius watched in fascination as Remus again became that creature he had seen on the dance floor the month before. During the nights of the full moon, every movement of the wolf embodied grace, power, and certainty, but when he was human, Remus was usually too self-controlled, too self-conscious, to move that way. Only occasionally, when he was feeling especially happy and secure, did he seem to relax and become comfortable within his own skin. And now, he seemed very comfortable. 

As Remus became one with the music, Sirius watched in wonder, amazed that this beautiful, powerful creature was here with him. When he watched Remus dance last month, he had thought that he couldn’t see anything more tempting and erotic. This time was even better. Instead of closing his eyes, Remus kept his predatory gaze locked on Sirius. The tight clothing revealed hints of the muscular body beneath. Best of all, this time he was close enough to touch. As Remus turned, Sirius caught him with an arm and pulled his lover back tightly against himself. Through their mutually tight trousers, Remus could feel that his lover was just as aroused as himself. Remus reached back to tangle his fingers in Sirius’s hair while he turned his head slightly and nuzzled Sirius’s cheek.

“I have just one question, Remus. Who are you going home with tonight?”

Remus smiled. “You.”

* * * * *

After three songs, Sirius was dying to take Remus home. There was only so much “anticipation building” that a man could take. But Remus was smiling and happy, and Sirius didn’t want to spoil the fun. However, he did need to slow things down. He kept his arm around Remus as he led him back to the table. Remus reached for his bottle of beer, but Sirius grabbed his wrist and stopped the movement.

“Unh-uh,” he said with a shake of his head. “That paranoid old codger’s finally rubbed off on me. ‘Constant vigilance. Never drink something that’s been left unattended.’ I’ll go get new ones.”

“Then I’ll be right back,” Remus said before heading off somewhere behind Sirius. He deliberately brushed his fingertips across Sirius’s stomach as he passed. Sirius turned to watch Remus disappear into a dark corridor, undoubtedly the way to the bathroom. 

_“Tea followed by beer,”_ Sirius thought with an amused smile, _“almost as effective at sending you to the bog as that potion we gave Snape once.”_

Sirius made his way through the crowd to the bar. It was definitely more crowded than when they had first entered. _“Goldilocks found someone—no, not Goldilocks, just another bleached blond.”_ The two bartenders were busy. As he waited to attract the attention of the nearest one, he was bumped and jostled by others in the crowd, and not all of it was accidental. Sirius suspected that, much like the other clubs he frequented, the clientele would get bolder as the hour grew later. The appraising looks they had gotten would be replaced by appraising touches. As if on cue, someone pressed up behind Sirius, snaked an arm around his waist, and slipped the tips of his fingers just inside the top of Sirius’s trousers.

“Do you want to?” a voice asked in his ear. It was not Remus’s voice. 

“No,” Sirius said firmly.

“Can’t blame a guy for trying,” and the body pressed against his back moved away. 

The bartender looked at Sirius, and he ordered two more beers. He drank a third of his in one large swallow on the way back to the table. Remus was already waiting for him. Judging by the amused smile on Remus’s face, he had seen Sirius’s encounter at the bar.

“You saw?” Sirius asked as he handed Remus his beer and slipped into a chair.

“Mr. ‘You can’t blame a guy for trying?’ Yeah, I saw.”

“Don’t tell me you could hear him over all this noise. I know your hearing is good, but—”

Remus shook his head. “No, he used the same line on me in the loo.”

Sirius choked on his beer. He had just gotten a very vivid mental picture of Remus getting hit on in the bathroom. _“A stranger groping Remus like that when he’s only partially dressed—I’ll kill him; I’ll hex him. Damn, I should have looked at his face.”_ “Which one is he, Remus? A little Impotence Hex might be just what he needs tonight.”

Remus laughed. “Why? He backs off when he’s told to, and I’m sure someone in here will appreciate his advances.” Remus’s eyes were following someone behind Sirius. “In fact, someone does.”

Sirius twisted in his chair to see whom Remus was watching, but he wasn’t sure which of the many amorous couples it was. _“I never should’ve brought Remus here. He’s getting hit on left and right by guys who just want to use him.”_ “Can we get out of here, Moony?”

“Tired of guys hitting on you?”

“Something like that,” he said. _“Actually, I’m tired of them hitting on you, but I don’t know how to say that without sounding jealous.”_

“Oh.” Remus tipped his head back and finished his beer with one long swallow. Sirius watched appreciatively. Maybe it was just one of those dog/wolf things, but there was something mesmerizing about seeing his lover bare his throat like that. The gesture made him vulnerable, and when he did it, he expressed his trust in the other. Remus lowered the bottle but did not place it on the table. He rolled it between his palms much as he had done when they first arrived, but this time he wasn’t being playful. “Do you still want to come home with me, or—” Remus left the question unfinished. The worried crease on his brow was almost hidden by his fringe.

“Of course I want to go home with you, you silly sod.” Now it was Sirius’s turn to laugh. He gestured around the room. “Did you think I wanted to go home with any of these blokes?” 

“No, I thought—never mind.” Remus slid a thumbnail under the bottle’s label and started to peel it up. Sirius had the impression that Remus was avoiding looking in his eyes.

“What did you think?” Sirius asked. He reached across the small table and caressed the hand cupping the bottle. “You might as well tell me. You know I’ll just annoy you until you do.”

“I thought you might rather go home with a girl tonight.” He smiled slightly but did not look up. “You know, reaffirm your masculinity and all that.”

“C’mere,” Sirius said as he leaned forward hoping for a kiss. Remus also leaned forward, and they shared a brief kiss, hampered as they were by the table between them. Sirius looked intently into Remus’s worried eyes. “If I want to ‘reaffirm my masculinity,’ I’ll beat a few Death Eaters into a bloody pulp tomorrow. Besides, it’s the new moon the day after tomorrow, so if I want to be the dominant alpha male tonight, I know you’ll let me.” He grinned as he said it. He enjoyed that he could get away with teasing Remus about being a werewolf. It proved to Remus that Sirius didn’t mind, and it proved to Sirius that Remus was finally accepting himself.

“If I’m ‘letting you,’ you aren’t really the dominant one, now are you?” Remus pointed out.

“Do you want to argue semantics, or do you want to go shag each other senseless?”

* * * * *

Remus knew he should have fallen into an exhausted sleep. He was relaxed and happy and warm in a way he only was when he was with Sirius. But as relaxed as he felt, he knew that he would be awake for a bit longer. _“One of drawbacks of being partially nocturnal by nature.”_ Sirius was drifting off even now. He lay on his side, curved toward Remus, one arm under his pillow to cradle his head, and his other hand rested lightly on Remus’s hip as if he didn’t want to let him go. Remus too wanted to keep the physical connection between them all night. He was just about to spoon back against Sirius when Sirius twitched the way people sometimes do as they cross the threshold into sleep. Remus opened his eyes to watch Sirius. _“Is he dreaming yet?”_ Sirius suddenly pulled his hand away, severing both the physical connection between them and the illusion that Sirius didn’t want to let go of Remus.

Such a small gesture, but to Remus it was a physical blow. For a moment, he had let down his guard and imagined that happiness was possible. He had allowed himself to imagine that the touch of Sirius’s hand betrayed a subconscious desire to hold onto Remus, to stay with him for longer than it took to satisfy their mutual desire. But if Remus was going to read so much into a simple touch, he had to read just as much into the act of taking a hand away. Sirius didn’t want forever. Sirius didn’t even want all night. _“We made love—no, we had sex—and now to him, I’m not even here.”_

None of this was a surprise. Sirius had never been less than upfront about what Remus could expect. They were friends—friends who occasionally had sex—but no more than friends. And the only reason Sirius had ever started having sex with him was because Remus didn’t dare date anyone who didn’t know that he was a werewolf. _“Pity sex.”_

Remus slipped out of bed as quietly as he could. It wasn’t easy; the rusty springs of the ancient iron bed squeaked at the slightest movement. It was one of the things Remus hated about the small flat he currently occupied. _“I’m surprised we didn’t break the damn bed.”_ He picked up Sirius’s leather jacket from the floor and slipped it on before sitting on the thin cushion of the seat below the room’s one window. His flat was in the basement, and Remus found himself looking up through the window at a streetlight. It had been raining when they left the club, and now the humidity hung in the air and transformed the fixture into a glowing sulfurous globe. The leather jacket had felt cool against his bare skin but began to warm almost instantly. The touch of warm skin against warm skin and Sirius’s scent all around him. He could almost imagine that he was wrapped in Sirius’s arms.

Remus was not angry with Sirius. Sirius was following their unspoken ground rules. Remus was angry with himself. In that brief moment in which he imagined that Sirius’s touch meant forever, Remus had wanted forever. Somewhere along the way, Remus might have fallen in love.

“Moony? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Padfoot. Go to sleep.” Remus continued to watch the glowing ball around the streetlight. He didn’t want to look at Sirius just now. He didn’t want to see the concern that he could hear in Sirius’s voice. _“I’ll just misinterpret that too. Read more into it than there is.”_

“Are you looking at the moon?”

Remus was already on edge, angry with himself, and this question made him even angrier. Angry at the moon who ruled him and who symbolized the curse that had put him into this difficult situation. Angry with Sirius for assuming he would be looking at it. 

“Of course, Sirius,” Remus said angrily, his voice dripping sarcasm. “What else could I _possibly_ be looking at it? Remus the werewolf. It’s the sum total of my existence.” He had said it to be cruel, but he frightened himself as he said it. For the first time in years, he was afraid that it was true.

The bedsprings creaked in protest as Sirius moved off the bed. “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.” He crouched down on the floor beside the windowseat and looked up into Remus’s face. “You were looking up at the sky, and it’s a crescent moon tonight, and—” Remus still wouldn’t look at him, so Sirius reached out to touch his cheek. “And I like looking at the crescent moon. It makes me happy because I know how much you like this week. I see that little smile-shaped moon and I think, ‘I bet Remus is smiling right now.’ And I don’t think that being a werewolf is the sum total of your existence.”

“I know you don’t, but— sometimes I do.” Remus expected Sirius to reassure that he was more “normal” than he was “different,” or to say something such as, “Sometimes I even forget you’re a werewolf,” but he didn’t.

“Make room for me, you’ve got my jacket and it’s cold out here.” Sirius grabbed a blanket off the bed and climbed onto the window seat facing Remus, their legs entangling around each other. “Being a werewolf is an intrinsic part of you. I’ve never known you any other way, and quite frankly, I might not have liked you if you weren’t one. You’d probably have been some swotty little Ravenclaw living in the library. But as much as I like the whole killer mood-swings thing, I don’t think it’s the sum total of your existence. More like eighty-five percent or something.” 

Remus dared to look at Sirius again. As long as he had Sirius for a friend, he could handle anything. He could even handle the heartache of loving someone who would never feel the same. “Eighty-six percent.”

“See! You would have been a Ravenclaw, and you would have missed out on being dorm mates with James and Peter and me. Aren’t you glad you’re a werewolf?” Sirius closed his eyes and shook his head laughing. “Don’t answer that. Too far. James is right. I always go too far.”

“It’s O.K., Padfoot; it’s ‘an intrinsic part of you.’ I wouldn’t want you any other way.” Remus gave Sirius a smile to reassure him that his moment of depression had passed, and under the blanket, he held the fingers of Sirius’s right hand. “We’ll always be friends, won’t we?”

“Always.”

 

\--written January 2006  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Sirius and Remus ever come out to their friends? Will Sirius ever realize that “the right girl” isn’t a girl at all, or will he let Remus get away? Read _Go Back to Being Friends_ for the answers. (It will be reposted here soon!)

**Author's Note:**

> Why is Peter the best chess player of the four? Because he alone truly understands that you have to sacrifice your own players in order to win.  
> As always, reviews are as precious as chocolate! 
> 
> _Murtlap_  
>  M.O.M. Classification XXX  
> The Murtlap is a ratlike creature found in coastal areas of Britain. It has a growth upon its back resembling a sea anemone. When pickled and eaten, these Murtlap growths promote resistance to curses and jinxes, though an overdose may cause unsightly purple ear hair. Murtlaps eat crustaceans and the feet of anyone foolish enough to step on them. —from _Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them_ by Newt Scamander (aka J.K. Rowling)


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